went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
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