Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
