His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
