thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
