your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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