anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
