She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
