i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
