Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
