also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
