I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
