So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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