Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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