why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
only you would photoshop your dick
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
