Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
