I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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