I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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