Define "chronic" masturbator.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
