just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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