I seem to have left my pride at pride
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
