i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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