just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
