i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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