I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
