i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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