I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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