I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
