Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
