I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
