Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
