i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
