This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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