i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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