Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
