It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
