so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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