Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
