I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
