The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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