oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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