I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
