is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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