I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
