Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
