if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
