I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
