you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
