Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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