we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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