On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
