shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My ATM looks so different sober.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
