Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
