Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
