He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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