I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
