why didn't you poke me back
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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