I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it glows. i had to have it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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