I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Rumble strips road head = magical
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
