Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
