it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
