He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
