Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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