Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
