my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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