Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
