yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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