He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
