Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
