This dress was meant to end up on your floor
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
