I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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