I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
