Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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