you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
