I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
