worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
