My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
