God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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