I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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